It had only been one week (from when I delivered our sweet 2 month old baby at home), as I stepped into a Weight Watchers meeting. I told Mr. Sonboul the night before "I want to get right back on the weight loss band wagon, so that I can continue to lose weight and to get healthy for the next pregnancy". However, even with all this motivation pumping through my chubby girls veins .. I had no idea how emotional it would be going back.
I walked into an 8:30am Sat meeting and was greeted by a very sweet women at the weigh in counter. She said "Are you new to WW?" and I said "no I'm returning and just trying to get back on track". I was trying to not tell her or anyone there that I had a miscarriage, but it was becoming harder and harder by the moment. The meeting started and I realized that WW had a "newer" system and so I should probably stay for the extra meeting after the weekly meeting. The WW leader leading the meeting noticed me and said "oh hello. I know I know you". In which I said " I was going to the Wednesday meetings with Danielle and after taking a little break, thought I'd try a Saturday meeting". She then said "Oh did you hear... Danielle is pregnant? Isn't that so fun?! I'm now taking over for her on the Wed meetings".
By this point the tears started to swell up in my eyes, as I tried not to cry. Later on the second meeting started and I realized that not much had changed with the program... just a little bit here and there was different. If you remember before I got preggo, I was kicking butt on WW and was almost at my 10% within 2 months. In the middle of the meeting the leader said "you seemed like you know a lot about WW". Which forced me to say "Well, I was almost at my 10% and then I got pregnant, but sadly I had a miscarriage and now I'm back here". Her face looked heart broken for me and then she said "I'm so sorry Heidi. When did you have the miscarriage"? and I said "It was one week ago. I just really want to lose more weight, so I can make sure my next pregnancy is the healthiest ever". Everyone in the meeting looked down at the floor not knowing what to say and then they looked at me... how everyone has been looking at me. Wishing they could find the right words to comfort me in this horrible loss. Everyone was sweet to me, but it made it that much harder to not cry.
It was one of the 2nd most hardest moments of this whole experience, but I made it through. I found out that I'm at 294.4 and that even though I was almost at my 10%, I have to start all over because I'm reweighing in. It's okay... it's just another goal for me to hit. From the last time I weighed in at WW I was 285. something. So I've gained around 10 months from Jan- now, which is fine. As I left the meeting, I got in my car and I started to cry for 2 reasons.
1. I really missed the baby and wished I hadn't miscarriaged.
2. I was proud of myself.! The old fassy girl in me would normally go back to emotional eating and I just couldn't allow myself to be that person anymore! That somehow... I've rewritten my bad habits, which is a miracle!
Oh and I guess this info helps too. Our doctor told me that we can start trying again in about 3 months. I figured 3 months will allow me to lose even more weight, which is a good thing. I'm not going to lie... this WHOLE THING SUCKS, but I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself how blessed our family is. So long story short... this whole thing blows, but I'm making the most of it and I'm happy that I forced myself to go back to WW. So thanks for listening and thanks to Mr. Sonboul again.. for being so amazing through this whole thing. For holding me when I cry and cheering me on when I find the motivation. I love you sooooo very much. I really do!
One last thing... I heard this during General Conference and I fell in LOVE with it. Just thought I'd share it.