Hello WW Again

Oh man... this is ANOTHER "were do I begin??!" story, but I think you'll like it. So I thought I would share it with all my "struggling to lose weight" pals out there.

It had only been one week (from when I delivered our sweet 2 month old baby at home), as I stepped into a Weight Watchers meeting. I told Mr. Sonboul the night before "I want to get right back on the weight loss band wagon, so that I can continue to lose weight and to get healthy for the next pregnancy". However, even with all this motivation pumping through my chubby girls veins .. I had no idea how emotional it would be going back.

I walked into an 8:30am Sat meeting and was greeted by a very sweet women at the weigh in counter. She said "Are you new to WW?" and I said "no I'm returning and just trying to get back on track". I was trying to not tell her or anyone there that I had a miscarriage, but it was becoming harder and harder by the moment. The meeting started and I realized that WW had a "newer" system and so I should probably stay for the extra meeting after the weekly meeting. The WW leader leading the meeting noticed me and said "oh hello. I know I know you". In which I said " I was going to the Wednesday meetings with Danielle and after taking a little break, thought I'd try a Saturday meeting".  She then said "Oh did you hear... Danielle is pregnant? Isn't that so fun?! I'm now taking over for her on the Wed meetings".

By this point the tears started to swell up in my eyes, as I tried not to cry. Later on the second meeting started and I realized that not much had changed with the program... just a little bit here and there was different. If you remember before I got preggo, I was kicking butt on WW and was almost at my 10% within 2 months. In the middle of the meeting the leader said "you seemed like you know a lot about WW". Which forced me to say "Well, I was almost at my 10% and then I got pregnant, but sadly I had a miscarriage and now I'm back here". Her face looked heart broken for me and then she said "I'm so sorry Heidi. When did you have the miscarriage"? and I said "It was one week ago. I just really want to lose more weight, so I can make sure my next pregnancy is the healthiest ever". Everyone in the meeting looked down at the floor not knowing what to say and then they looked at me... how everyone has been looking at me. Wishing they could find the right words to comfort me in this horrible loss. Everyone was sweet to me, but it made it that much harder to not cry.

It was one of the 2nd most hardest moments of this whole experience,  but I made it through. I found out that I'm at 294.4 and that even though I was almost at my 10%, I have to start all over because I'm reweighing in. It's okay... it's just another goal for me to hit. From the last time I weighed in at WW I was 285. something. So I've gained around 10 months from Jan- now, which is fine. As I left the meeting, I got in my car and I started to cry for 2 reasons.
1. I really missed the baby and wished I hadn't miscarriaged.
2. I was proud of myself.! The old fassy girl in me would normally go back to emotional eating and I just couldn't allow myself to be that person anymore! That somehow... I've rewritten my bad habits, which is a miracle!

Oh and I guess this info helps too. Our doctor told me that we can start trying again in about 3 months. I figured 3 months will allow me to lose even more weight, which is a good thing. I'm not going to lie... this WHOLE THING SUCKS, but I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself how blessed our family is. So long story short... this whole thing blows, but I'm making the most of it and I'm happy that I forced myself to go back to WW. So thanks for listening and thanks to Mr. Sonboul again.. for being so amazing through this whole thing. For holding me when I cry and cheering me on when I find the motivation. I love you sooooo very much. I really do!

   photo HeidiSonboulFavorites.jpg
One last thing... I heard this during General Conference and I fell in LOVE with it. Just thought I'd share it. 

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Katrina Hunt said...

oh Heidi, I wish I could just give you a big hug right now. Of course, if I were in your shoes, that would make me start crying and that is the last thing I would want to do. You are so honest and so real, I truly love it. Hang in there. hugs, Katrina

Christina Collins said...

Heidi, I truly love you girl!
Hang in there, it does get better. I am SO proud of you for going to weight watchers.
After a long battle with infertility (consisting of numerous surgeries and fertility drugs) I got pregnant and was so thrilled. That pregnancy, however, ended in a miscarriage. I had the same mind set that you had. I was determined to lose weight to be healthy for the next pregnancy! And Now...I have a crazy little two year old running around. ;) If you stay on this track - you'll have a little bundle of joy in your arms in no time. If you EVER need ANYTHING I'm here! Even if it's just a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Miriam Prantner said...

You are amazing: for going, for your honesty, and for your willingness to share. There are so many people who kind of curl up in a ball when this stuff happens, and I'm sure that a lot of people who are reading this will be helped more than you know.

The Ark said...

My dear sweet Heidi, I am so proud of you, you never give up no matter how hard the situation may be, you keep trying and that is the important thing, never give up! What a trooper you are! You can do this, Heavenly Father will help you when you are struggling and feeling sad or discouraged, he will hold you up. Your Savior Jesus Christ knows you and has felt every sorrow, pain and joy you are feeling now. He understands. What a wonderful husband and father Jason is. You are so blessed to have him and your boys in your life. It is ok to cry when you feel like it. The loss of a child is the greatest loss anyone can ever go through. I love you dearly! Love, Mom

Melinda said...

Hugs!!! You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for! And thank you for sharing, the quote really hits home! Bless you, Heidi & family!

Cindy deRosier said...

You are incredibly awesome. Best wishes with your weight loss journey. We're all rooting for you! (Yes, I've chosen to speak for everyone. If there's anyone who ISN'T rooting for you for some crazy reason, they don't matter.)

Nicole said...

You are brave and stronger than you realize. hugs