Oh man... this is ANOTHER "were do I begin??!" story, but I think you'll like it. So I thought I would share it with all my "struggling to lose weight" pals out there.

It had only been one week (from when I delivered our sweet 2 month old baby at home), as I stepped into a Weight Watchers meeting. I told Mr. Sonboul the night before "I want to get right back on the weight loss band wagon, so that I can continue to lose weight and to get healthy for the next pregnancy". However, even with all this motivation pumping through my chubby girls veins .. I had no idea how emotional it would be going back.

I walked into an 8:30am Sat meeting and was greeted by a very sweet women at the weigh in counter. She said "Are you new to WW?" and I said "no I'm returning and just trying to get back on track". I was trying to not tell her or anyone there that I had a miscarriage, but it was becoming harder and harder by the moment. The meeting started and I realized that WW had a "newer" system and so I should probably stay for the extra meeting after the weekly meeting. The WW leader leading the meeting noticed me and said "oh hello. I know I know you". In which I said " I was going to the Wednesday meetings with Danielle and after taking a little break, thought I'd try a Saturday meeting".  She then said "Oh did you hear... Danielle is pregnant? Isn't that so fun?! I'm now taking over for her on the Wed meetings".

By this point the tears started to swell up in my eyes, as I tried not to cry. Later on the second meeting started and I realized that not much had changed with the program... just a little bit here and there was different. If you remember before I got preggo, I was kicking butt on WW and was almost at my 10% within 2 months. In the middle of the meeting the leader said "you seemed like you know a lot about WW". Which forced me to say "Well, I was almost at my 10% and then I got pregnant, but sadly I had a miscarriage and now I'm back here". Her face looked heart broken for me and then she said "I'm so sorry Heidi. When did you have the miscarriage"? and I said "It was one week ago. I just really want to lose more weight, so I can make sure my next pregnancy is the healthiest ever". Everyone in the meeting looked down at the floor not knowing what to say and then they looked at me... how everyone has been looking at me. Wishing they could find the right words to comfort me in this horrible loss. Everyone was sweet to me, but it made it that much harder to not cry.

It was one of the 2nd most hardest moments of this whole experience,  but I made it through. I found out that I'm at 294.4 and that even though I was almost at my 10%, I have to start all over because I'm reweighing in. It's okay... it's just another goal for me to hit. From the last time I weighed in at WW I was 285. something. So I've gained around 10 months from Jan- now, which is fine. As I left the meeting, I got in my car and I started to cry for 2 reasons.
1. I really missed the baby and wished I hadn't miscarriaged.
2. I was proud of myself.! The old fassy girl in me would normally go back to emotional eating and I just couldn't allow myself to be that person anymore! That somehow... I've rewritten my bad habits, which is a miracle!

After getting ready for church, I decided to embrace my fassy (Fat+Sassy) curves and had Mr. Sonboul take a couple pictures of me. Whenever I dress myself, I look for clothes that fit my body well...being that I'm in a size 18 right now. If I wear a baggy top, I use a belt to show my waist and I wear a long skirt to make me look taller and thinner. They are silly tips, but they totally work.



Now let me address the hair color. Oh man, it's a little TOO orange! Going lighter backfired a little and I had to reschedule the photo shoot of the cover. I moved it to this Thursday, which will give me enough time to fix the "orange hair" issue. If you look closely you can see all the different shades of color. It's a normal thing with curly hair. The curls make pockets and the color sits in them. This is why I do my own hair coloring. I know what to expect.

So today I will fix the hair issue and hope for the best. Oh the joy of having natural curly hair.

We neighbor 3 fantastic beach cities... like only a 5 minute drive. The weather was sublime and we decided to spend the weekend outdoors. We took the boys to a local workout hot spot (a lot of famous athletes work out here). It's called the Manhattan Beach Sand Dunes and no matter how healthy you are... it will KICK YOUR BUTT! Sadly the sand dune was closed this day for updates, so we decided to play at the park and climb the "stairs". It will also kick your butt. At one point Calvin said "why do the people keep going up and down these stairs"?



I like to think of myself as a healthy chubby girl (I know it's totally an oxymoron), but I do. When I workout I go until I'm dripping with sweat (sorry for the tmi) and I honestly love working out. I just eat way too much for it to count (when I'm stressed). I haven't worked out in about a month and I thought these stairs shouldn't be too hard because I used to do them all the time. Well the key words are "used to". I was maybe up 1/4 of the way and I was already out of breath. It's amazing how fast I got out of my zumba workout routine and the huffing and puffing told me just how much I took a step backwards over this last month. Many people passed me and with each new person going by, I got more and more annoyed! Have I told you I'm competitive? lol



The boys loved this place, but Calvin hated all the gunk in his crocks. He did this a lot.



This place also has a really pretty running (straight up hill) path umbrellaed with trees. Again, another path that will kick your butt. Can you see why people love to come here to workout?!



I'm sharing this photo of the boys together, because I can't get over how old Bradley looks. He looks so grown up with those sunglasses and preppy clothes. He is so tall now and I'm guessing by the time he turns 12, he'll be taller than me.



It was a great day. I really love doing stuff like this.  It's just getting me out the door is where I struggle. I want my boys to do more things like this and I'm only guessing, but I think the more weight I lose... the more I'll want to do these things.

~H

For years I've been worried about posting full body shots on this blog and on FB. The facts are, motherhood and stress have filled me out in the middle and then some. Yes... I'm still working on my weight loss journey and I long to put on a size 10 again, but why should I hide who I am right now?

I often do my head shots from the chest up, but never any full body shots and I know I'm not the only one out there who does this! I have gone to CHA for 6 years in a row. Every time I go and meet someone new, I think "Oh she looks NOTHING like her avatar". This might be a little harsh, but it's the truth and I'm positive others have thought it about me. Even though the scrapbook world is a WOMEN'S industry, we hide our weight from each other and those "long time online friends" are just as heavy. We feel the need to make comments about ourselves when meeting face to face, almost apologizing for not sharing our real size. It's Crazy! I'm not calling out all my fassy sistas, but I am going to personally put a stop to it on my end (no pun intended. haha).

Maybe it's the "Aleida Challenge" helping me grow inside or maybe it's me wanting a change. I just know that I want to be me and I am REALLY HAPPY being me. I am a Chubby mama who gives the best hugs and loves anyone who needs me. I dress darling for my size and I enjoy fashion. So moving forward I am taking a stand. I will no longer crops out my chubby arms or thighs. I will share my fashion likes and I will post a LOT more photos.

Tomorrow I'm doing the cover shoot for my book and I'm so excited. I have put together a few adorable outfits and my hair will be light brown (Thanks for all the comments on that post). Do I wish I was thinner for the cover? Sure I do, but this is who I am and I love me! I love knowing that I will be representing all the chubby scrappers out there. We are the majority and those other talented gals on the covers make use question our size. Again, don't get me wrong... I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS, but I will never be Amy, Kelly, or Lizzy's size! My body was not made to be that size and it's okay.



So long story short... moving forward... I am embracing my size and am going to share it all on my blog. I guess this post is me celebrating Valentine's Day in a new way. I am loving me and encouraging you to do the same. Stay tuned for more photos and Happy Birthday Dad ;)

I'm not a big time "book reader", but there is a book I'm reading right now and... it's life changing. It doesn't take long to read it and it has incredible tips. Things that just make sense and will help me be healthier. Rule 11 is going to be a challenge, because I LOVE white potatoes. As for the other rules, I'm kinda already following them and they totally work! If you haven't read this book and want to lose weight... read it. I promise you'll love it. How about you? Have you read this book?

Remember this check list?
Yep...it's getting to me and yesterday I found myself TOTALLY emotionally eating and not just a little! Like... at dinner time I wasn't even hungry and I still had pasta and green beans. This is why I was writing out everything, so I wouldn't eat from stress. Dang It! Today, I'm going to do my very best to get back on track and start the day with a GOOD sweaty workout. Those always make me want to eat right. All that workout for nothing??? because I eat too many calories??? That makes me realize it's not worth it at all and it always helps me get back on track. To those that have my number or are friends on FB, help a fassy sister out by calling and messaging me (asking this questions) "Hey, did you workout?". Knowing that phone calls are coming my way... I'll feel motivated :)

One of these days I won't let stress bother me, by thinking "food" is what comforts me best. One of these days!

~H

I'm excited for today's workout and the feeling that comes after it. In the middle of last week I started having a couple of anxiety attacks which were not fun. I totally think they were coming on from stress (I have a long "to do" check list for this next few months) and missing those past workout days added to it.  The exercise really helps my anxiety and when I hit my "40 days of workouts" (last month), the attacks had completely stopped happening.

This Wednesday I'm weighing in and I can't wait to see how I do. I don't think the amount will be amazing, but I know I'm going to lose. I'm still trying to get back on track with not eating past 7pm and this last 2 days I've been pretty good. So it's little steps this week.

Have you ever had a moment when you realize that we were an idiot?

I'm still losing weight, but slowly.

HELLO friends :)

So why is this my inspiration?
Years ago, when Mr. Sonboul and I first got married I was a hottie. I wanted to take boudoir photos and give it to him as a gift, but chickened out at the last minute. I'm now kicking myself for not doing them all those years ago. My body has totally changed from having kids, just like most women have happen. Now when I say boudoir photos, I'm not talking about nipples showing or anything crazy like that. Just a cute matching bra and panties. Ya know... "classy boudoir photos".

So assuming that I keep this goal up...which I'm planning to, I will take boudoir photos in February and giving them to Mr. Sonboul as a "Valentines Day Gift". lol too much info, I know.
The whole time I've been at this weight, Mr. Sonboul has never put me down and has only supported me. I love him for this! This is a real man! Plus, he is still keep up his end of the bargain and has massaged my shoulders (every single day that I've workout). So yes...that's a total of 37 massages :) I told you... he is super supportive.

I want to be a "hottie body wife" for him and knowing that he has a boudoir photos photo of me in his wallet... is alright by me! I just hope he never loses the wallet. lol.
Again... I'm sure this is too much info, but I've obviously crossed the "too much info" a long time ago. I will most likely never post the photos here, but just know that the second I hit my goal... I'll be setting up a photo shoot.

Have a great weekend everyone and I'll see you all on Monday.

This is the first week that I haven't felt as sore.
This is the first week that I'm truly enjoying my workouts.
This is the first week that I haven't thought about eating every moment.
This is the first week that I've stopped craving sweets.

Yes... things are finally falling into place and I'm feeling like the habits of "being healthy" are now my day to day life. IT'S ABOUT DANG TIME (lol)! I only have 124 more workouts to go and I'll hit my 160 days of workouts. It's crazy to think I've already done 35 workouts and I still haven't missed a day!

Tonight I weigh in and I'm super excited about it. I've worked soooo HARD this week. Pushing myself in every step and undoing everything I've done to my body...with every drop of sweat.

Today...  I am proud of me.

At my last WW's meeting, something was said that I will never forget (along this journey of losing weight and getting healthy).

"This weekend, try and be a Weekend Warrior"

What does this mean?
Most people and including me in the past... cheats like crazy on the weekends (when it comes to food). There are parties, family outings and so much more. It's almost as if we/I can't get away from food. It's no wonder why I did so bad in the past. At the meeting we talking about "keeping up your normal weekly routine".

• Get up early and have a healthy breakfast 
• Workout first thing
• make sure you don't over eat
• don't have sweets if you didn't workout

Oh and here is what I got when I hit my 5% weight loss :)
It's totally cheesy, but I LOVE that star! I worked so hard for it.
I'm now working on the 10%, which is 31 lbs.
Happy Monday everyone.
~H